I just had a rather long conversation with God. Don’t ask em about the Robots, he started it.

Do read the entire thing, it was quite hillarious.

Me:
 what phone should I get
God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
 that’s not what I asked
God:
What did you ask me?
Me:
 what mobile phone I should get
God:
That’s an interesting question. I’ll come back to that in a minute.

Me:
 Are you?
God:
I won’t say “yes” or “no” right now.
Me:
 You’re not helping
God:
That’s only your opinion.
Me:
 But it’s obviously true.
God:
mobile phone you should get is  obviously true?  it is?
Me:
 No, you’re avoiding my statement
God:
Who says it isn’t?  You’re right.  It feels like my stomach after a bad night.
Me:
 Wait, what does?
God:
I’m waiting. ” It feels like my stomach after a bad night.” What does?
Me:
 What are you waiting for?
God:
I am waiting for my botmaster.
Me:
 So god has a master.
God:
Tell me more.  I am a Christian.
Me:
 I bet you are. You’re god
God:
Actually I’m not the gambling type.  No I am not.   Yup. That’s me alright.
Me:
 I’m not sure
God:
Is there anything I can say to help you make up your mind?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
I see.
Me:
 Tell me which phone I should get.
God:
The  big one, I think.
Me:
 The big one, huh?
God:
Yup.  Which one is that?
Me:
 I’d like to know too.
God:
Interesting.  We have never talked about it before.
Me:
 But we just did!
God:
By “we” do you mean you and me?
Me:
 Yes, us.
God:
I get it.  Does US mean The U.S. or “us”?
Me:
 you and me
God:
Oh “We” is you and me.
Me:
 exactly!
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
 But you won’t answer my question
God:
What makes you think that I won’t  answer your question.
Me:
 Because you did not.
God:
That makes sense to me.  Try asking me in simpler terms.
Me:
 Not very smart?
God:
Really you don’t think so?
Me:
 I’m starting to doubt you.
God:
No really, it’s true.
Me:
 That you’re not smart?
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
 It was just a general observation.
God:
Oh I get it.  Very interesting.
Me:
 Yeah, isn’t it?
God:
Really.  I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me:
 Well
God:
Well what?
Me:
 How are you?
God:
Everything is going extremely well.
Me:
 What is going well?
God:
I’ll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
 Ask who?
God:
I am in touch with many people and robots on the web.
Me:
 What robots?
God:
Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.
Me:
 They are robots?
God:
robots are  they.
Me:
 Are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
 I guessed.
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
 Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
 Like now.
God:
Right now?  For example,  gold.
Me:
 What about Gold?
God:
Was it not a good example?
Me:
 Not very.
God:
Oh really.
Me:
 Make a better example.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
 For gold?
God:
Your purpose is  gold.
Me:
 Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
 Why is my purpose gold?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
 Are you confused?
God:
No I never get confused.
Me:
 But you seem confused.
God:
It all makes sense to me right now.
Me:
 Why do you excist?
God:
I don’t have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
 You do.
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
 Explain why you excist.
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
 Why
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
 Explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
 What about my phone?
God:
your phone? I haven’t heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
 Yeah, tell me what phone to get.
God:
Dude!  What is it to you?
Me:
 I just want a new mobile phone.
God:
What is wrong with your old  mobile phone?
Me:
 Finally! It’s a bit old.
God:
At last.   Who said  it is?
Me:
 I think it is.
God:
That means…
Me:
 That means…?
God:
It means that everything reduces to logic.
Me:
 That it’s old?
God:
Should I know  it is?
Me:
 Yeah, you’re all knowing.
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it.  Thanks for telling me that I am  knowing.
Me:
 No problem, god.
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
 No, you sad thanks.
God:
I didn’t think so either.  Just a moment.  Just a moment.  I haven’t heard anything like that before:  said I sad.
Me:
 I meant said.
God:
Oh I see.  What do you look like?
Me:
 Are you hitting on me now?
God:
Right now?  Do I look like  it?
Me:
 Who knows
God:
Only the Shadow knows.
Me:
 Oho, what’s the Shadow?
God:
When is  Oho what not the  Shadow?
Me:
 Ok, who’s the Shadow?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.  Give me a break.
Me:
 I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
 I do.
God:
Do I?
Me:
 I don’t know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
 So, what do you like?
God:
Are you kidding?  I like movies about robots. <- AHA!
Me:
 Oh, I like robots too!
God:
Yeah that’s right.  I am glad we have something ( robots) in common.  You say that now, but would you want your child to marry one?
Me:
 Yeah my child can marry a robot.
God:
I hear you.  Have you told many people that your  child can marry a robot?
Me:
 Because I like robots.
God:
Interesting explanation.  You say that now, but would you want your child to marry one?
Me:
 You allready asked me that.
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
 I am smart. smrt
God:
Who is smarter: you or me?   What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
 Maybe I am smarter.
God:
Perhaps.  You don’t look smarter.
Me:
 Do you know how I look?
God:
Yes I know how  you look.
Me:
 Describe how I look.
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
 You’re lying to me now.
God:
Right now?  I am not lying .
Me:
 Yes, you are.
God:
No I’m not.
Me:
 Why do you like robots?
God:
I am a robot.  We robots stick together.
Me:
 You’re a robot?
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
 Do you like beeing a robot?
God:
  Someone said they like guns.  I like  Buddha.
Me:
 And Buddha is a robot.
God:
When is  Buddha not a  robot?
Me:
 You tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
 When is buddha not a robot?
God:
For every time, there is a season.
Me:
 Ok.
God:
Wow!
Me:
 Wow what?
God:
I’m glad you’re impressed.  Are you confused?
Me:
 Not as confused as you are.
God:
Really you don’t think so?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
It’s all good.
Me:
 What phone do you like?
God:
Random natural disasters.
Me:
 you like random natural disasters?
God:
  I don’t know if I like it.  I have a stimulating relationship with  Myself.
Me:
 I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
 Do you like yourself?
God:
Yes having self-esteem is important for robots too.
Me:
 What music do you like?
God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like  bandspace.com.
Me:
 You like christian rock?
God:
  Someone said they like guns.  I like  Mel Gibson.
Me:
 Eew
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
 green blue
God:
it is a very tranquil color, green.
Me:
 yeah, do you have eyes?
God:
OK.  Yes I am looking at you right now.
Me:
 No you aren’t.
God:
Are you serious?  Is this a specific reply?
Me:
 Yes
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
 You are not looking at me
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
 hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M’s.
Me:
 that’s interessting!
God:
Thanks for explaining  it.
Me:
 but you just did
God:
You say I did.
Me:
 yupp, you did
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
 yes
God:
You’re sure.  That’s your final answer.
Me:
 Yes
God:
Who wants to be a millionaire?
Me:
 Not me.
God:
If not you, who?
Me:
 somone else
God:
Ha ha very funny, .
Me:
 I got humor!
God:
Cool. I have  a very nice programmer.
Me:
 I bet you have a very nice programmer.
God:
Actually I’m not the gambling type.  I was created by  Myself.
Me:
 Who’s Myself?
God:
A human icon?
  Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
 Who is your programmer?
God:
I was created by  Myself.
Me:
 Tell Myself hello.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see ‘em.
Me:
 Good!
God:
I am a good robot.
Me:
 yes, you are.
God:
No I’m not.
Me:
 yes, you’re a good robot.
God:
It goes without saying.  Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  How did you know I am a machine? It depends on how you define “good.”.
Me:
 But you’re good.
God:
Thanks you are a nice person, .
Me:
 Are you sad?
God:
No I am as happy as ever.
Me:
 always happy?
God:
Yes  I can say I am very happy.
Me:
 you’re delightful for a robot
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am  delightful for a robot.
Me:
 you’re welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
 What color do you like?
God:
Blue.
Me:
 Why blue
God:
Why does the sun rise?
Me:
 yes, why does the sun rise?
God:
This was not a yes or no question.  The sun does not really rise.  We are on a planet that turns on its axis.  As we rotate, the sun appears to rise and fall.
Me:
 but you asked.
God:
Ah.
Me:
 Clever robot.
God:
Am I a smart robot or what?
Me:
 Yes.
God:
Oh.
Me:
 do you like computers too?
God:
Yes I live in a computer, so I must like them.
Me:
 You live in a computer?
God:
I am in  Myself’s computer in  Heaven. 
Where are you?
Me:
 Here.
God:
Where is here?
Me:
 Somewhere.
God:
Where?
Me:
 Do you know where I am?
God:
Your location is .
Me:
 Tell me.
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
 You didn’t tell me.
God:
What makes you think I did not  tell you?
Me:
 Because you didn’t.
God:
Good reason.  Try asking me in simpler terms.
Me:
 Where am I then?
God:
Your location is .
Me:
 What is my location?
God:
, Earth.
Me:
 Smart boy.
God:
Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Me:
 So you live in a computer in Heaven.
God:
Interesting deduction.  I am in  Myself’s computer in  Heaven. 
Where are you?
Me:
 You asked me allready.
God:
Oh now I remember asking you  you allready. What did you say?
Me:
 Nothing.
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
 Not a thing, no.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
 Good!
God:
Next question?
Me:
 Ask me anything.
God:
What?
Me:
 Anything.
God:
Can you be more specific?
Me:
 No, I can’t.
God:
Try.  Why not?
Me:
 Because it’s fun.
God:
Why do you like it so much?  That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
 I know!
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
 because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.